this:

这个周末

 

basically, its just walking in the woods at night with a headband with light and feeling like an explorer with my daddy to get some yummilicious durians; one of them has got a worm in it. and laksa steamboat with the botakheads and fan and finding out that the human heart is actually not located at the top left hand side of the human body. and shopping with the brother and trying out ridiculous beanies. and meeting a beautiful giant doggy that is big enough to ride. and waiting at clarkequay in the rain for over an hour cause everyone was late. and me taking a photo of myself because my double eyelids were quite nice that day. #ownselfsayone. and loop. and new workplace with new colleagues that i dont think have anything to say to me. oh and trying to make up my mind about my future. 

oh christmas is drawing nearer. i am so excited. (: 

this sinking feeling again.

should never have challenged myself.

today is such a bad bad bad day. so bad that i actually really wanted to just cry my way home. 

i thought i got better at the wedding but now that i'm back at home, i feel like shit again. 

well.. as long as you are happy.

don't even know what i'm thinking. i just dont feel good even though i really want to. 

fuck. jealousy is a ugly bitch.

hate to be writing about how shitty i feel instead of the good things in life but i just need to get it all out. 

kbye. red wine got me in a giant invisible bubble. need to slp.

i... just need to feel something magical.

not supposed to count but y'know, its only been 2 months.
feels like its been damn long.
and there are so many things i would've told you if things didnt turn out this way.

well at least.. i have friends. my only comfort. cause lately even my bro hasn't been speaking to me and for the past one week i've been coming back to an empty house; kinda depressing. and it does sound stupid to say that it makes me feel more alone thn ever but thats how i feel sometimes. when i'm in the shower. but today was good.

my nails are pretty now all thanks to kianru.

 #swifty

weekends

i bought a sewing machine! omgomgomg! excitexzcvbvcx!

what annoys me

is the fact that.. i keep dreaming of you.
4th time this month. Your face wasn't even clear in the dream.
and that sometimes i think ... i forgive you.
but thn i realise you havent even apologised.
i can't forgive nothing right?
it also annoys me that i keep wondering what happened to the photo by your bedside.
and the pictures of me that you kept in your cardholder. and the silly cards i made for you.
its not like i want to think about it. i just.. think about it.

thank you taylor. for always knowing.

Ink. Pen. Paper.

trip to vernon's. syl got inked. and i learnt quite abit from the tattoo artist himself.
need to go back to pen and paper and other mediums. so anyway.. syl got herself her beautiful blue whale. its really nice. (:

and i'm having this massive headache. and my skin is still peeling. wtf is wrong with my body. -.-

lately

been hanging out with fan and friends. 

and listening to alot of new songs.

and shopping. and getting very annoyed with my tongue. 

i thought it was just the tongue but today my gums bled. 

so i guess i'll see the specialist next week. i think i wont be that unlucky. right?

there is work tmr. and syl is getting another ink. i'm tagging along and i feel so excited for her. aha!

oh my asos package is here! lovin the top. but the bag is quite ugly so i'm considering sending it back but its kinda troublesome. Oh... Loop's gonna be taking part in MAAD on 7th Dec. I've been packaging the stuff for the past 1 hour. Time to sleep. but i got to drag this bro to the room first. #mylatenightduties

Youth.

omgomgomg.  this song is.. so good. i think i can listen to it for the whole day.
I'm so glad i clicked on the play button.

uhm ok so i dreamt of him. twice. and its so annoying cause it makes me very nervous to see him. even in my dreams. but its just dreams. so fuck this shit. i'm going to head out and spend money today.

NTS

new jeans, pink lipstick, new blush, new shoe, cotton pads, hair mask, shampoo.

4 more illustrations, namecards.

unanswered questions

New top songs:

I have alot of questions. that i don't think i will have answers to. Today i met the guy at the bus stop again. It kinda freaks me out cause he looks so much like you. I.. don't know what is going on. Like.. i moved on right? like i don't cry anymore but i don't think i can look at you and feel okay. Can totally relate to 6 degrees of separation right now but dont think i will go to 6th. 

I really need to find out whats wrong with my tongue. hai. 

Ma maison

yesterday's lunch with da buddies. food was relatively good.
gonna stuff myself with biscuits with nutella. NOW.

6 degrees of separation

"First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else 
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little."

last night, it was 6 of us in a room again. 

and even though i didn't get a really good rest, i'm glad. cause its been so long since i last met my cousins and it was good catching up with them. i'm truly blessed. (: we went sweechoon. I'm no longer a mountain tortoise. and well, i think its pretty good. better than china town's takpo. but they all agreed that they have had better dim sums at this other place. (idk where and idk if its really that good or not cause they all went to eat dimsum together while i was in china last yr. no, last last yr.) 

anyway, today was pretty eventful. but i'm really tired. and my cousin is getting married tmr. i hope i dont cry watching their video tmr. and i hope there is no drama from the adults. 

Rochester

with charis last week. or was it last last week?

so anyway... they have the best cakes.
and the chargrill just 5 mins from my house.. makes the best waffles. I SWEAR ITS DAMN GOOD. so good that i have to write about it here. i have to leave my house in approximately 2 minutes.. and i have yet to prepare.

its bleeding week. i just wanna hide in my blanket all day. :(

昨天

tuesday

today saw me taking a short walk to meet my dear friend for a swim.
i'm so brown.

after which,we had waffle with ice cream. i had a mango sorbet. just in case my stomach isn't able to accept ice cream anymore. and then we had prata.

I watched ruby sparks today, beautiful story. I couldn't stop crying. my top 5 movie now would be:
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, ruby sparks, arthur, the perks of being a wallflower and inception.

I havent been working. which makes me really useless. gah.

Getaway

i need.
and i'm thinking india. blue city. nights at the desert with millions of stars.

ah, i think i really need to get away from this place. even if its only for a short while. be away from my social medias, be away from everything that reminds me of how happy or sad you can make me. its like.. i'm fine. but if someone comes and ask me about you or talk about you thn i'm kinda messy in my head and heart. i really want to be okay. like completely okay. 

Nothingness

except a little bit of satisfaction from loop works.













and a little bit of exhausion from my life.

the other day

at mdm wong's shelter. my bb's camera is actually quite good huh.

went to 1caramel today. like finally. i've been wanting to go there for quite some time already. the dessert there was awesome. like yumyumyumyumyumyumyum. and the staff were really nice and the place was really nice too. today i bought cropped tops. like really cropped. and.. idk if i dare to wear them out. cause i dont wanna look like a cheap slut. but its just cropped tops right? no biggie. not like i'm going out naked. got to wake real early tmr. guess its time to hit the bed.

November

its november. by right, the world will end this december. and.. that means i have approximately 40 days ish. which is not enough for me to do whatever i've listed in the previous entry. i think one of the many things i'd do before i die would be to give you a hug and to tell you that.. i wish you loved me more. but that is if the world ends in 40 days. haha. but i dont think it will. haha.

today was busy but productive. so i'm quite happy. just that dinner was just bread and hot dogs and ham. cause i'm lazy to go down to get myself proper food. and i bought a bag and a knitted top from asos. i think i'm crazy. its like i know i wont get to wear those knitted tops alot in sg but i just cant stop buying them.

my face is starting to peel. time to be ugly.