so go,

I'm really upset today.
But this negative feeling can't get me killed.
You can't hurt me this way,
but you can.

Panic mode, On.

so many things to do. so many things to do.
so many things to do. so many things to do.
so many things to do. so many things to do.
so many things to do. so many things to do.
so many things to do. so many things to do.
so many things to do. so many things to do.
so many things to do. so many things to do.

so many things to do. so many things to do.

so many things to do. so many things to do.

so many things to do. so many things to do.

so many things to do. so many things to do.

so many things to do. so many things to do.

so many...things undone. and omg i need to see you!

nah, nothing.

i'm just feeling slightly happier than usual today.

maybe because i can take a break from vda for awhile now.
and uhm maybe because i went shopping.
or maybe its the fact that i had one ice cream, chippy's fried mars bar, drumlets and lots of chips today.
definitely partly because my fever is gone. it went crazy high yesterday. like 39.4 degrees. thought i was dying.
But EDS is slowly killing me. but i can do this, i can do this.

time and time again.

sometimes, we try so hard but we're still not enough.

and sometimes, we cry but we don't even know why. 

maybe life is just kinda disappointing right now. 

or maybe its me disappointing people too much.

or maybe its because they are expecting too much from me. 

its ok to like what you like.

so, i'm going to stop bothering about all this shit of yours because i am me and i like what i like and no one shall stop me from liking the things i like. and i'm going to wear what i like to wear to school and no one can stop me from doing so just because someone else might be unhappy. really, i've had enough. i am me and i find no reason why i would want to be her. stop implying. #really. 

sometimes i find myself getting too angry over things and i might express my anger too clearly. but sorry, thats the way i am. i can try to be sensitive but if i fail, it just means that you crossed the line. 

k, done with my angst for this week. hopefully the whole of the week. 

busy with life's shit.

you know, sometimes i just want to sit down and doodle and doodle and doodle and sort out my photos and not care about all the shitty assignments i get from school. with you sitting somewhere near me that is. sigh. i want to turn 21 so badly so i can tell mum to let me make my own life's decisions. at the same time, i dont want to grow up. cause thinking about the future makes me so scared. i dont know what i really want. yup, i contradict myself pretty much all the time.

wishing

Dear wishing,

happy 19th birthday. I'm constantly amazed by how fast time passed cause i could still remember the past pretty clearly.

i hope you remember the days we built sandcastles at the beach, the days we wore the same dress and had the same hair cut, the days we pretend to bathe the hello kitty plushies, the days we stayed over at one another's, the days we bathed together, the days we made grass jelly with our parents, the days we spent christmas with socks hanging at the window, the days we made my brother leave the room cause we had to change barbie's clothes, and so many many more days... I hope i can remember all the days till we grow old and wrinkle up like little prunes.

I see you as this... strong willed, intelligent, nice lady. sometimes too nice that people might take you for granted. sometimes too strong people forget you are human. sometimes too forgiving people forget. sometimes too reliable people get too dependent.

so on this special day of yours, i wish you all the happiness i can, and that people around you would appreciate your existence and treat you right.

love you,
xinyi. (:

fighting with my self.

sometimes, i still think about the past. and sometimes, i still cry.

cause its so difficult for me to please both sides now. and its not their fault to want to protect me. 

and you might not get it. and they might not get it. and everyone is going to be mad at me. 

guess my side of the story never gets loud enough to be heard. or understood. 

vocal crisis

i'm losing my voice. too much toast i guess. haha.

anyway, today was an angry day for me. i was late for everything and the public transports took forever to come.
on top of that, i met this mad woman on the train who kept screaming at me, wanting to know why my phone is so small. apparently, she mistook my ipod nano for my phone. i was plugged in to my earpiece, but i could still hear her. Those eyes on me... but guess what? i decided to pretend that i couldnt hear her and started to tweet. using my REAL phone. she gave up after awhile and went back to talking to herself. Phew.

ups of today was that i met the long lost track and field mates. its been ... forever since the last time i met some of them and i'm glad we made time for this. love this kind of gatherings.gives me this.. warm fuzzy feeling and managed to make the angry day a little better.

we should do this more often.

Toasts.

I've been really into toasts recently. 

k thats all i have to say that is related to the title of this entry. 

i've been busy sleeping, driving, editing videos, editing photos, doing illustrations, eating toasts, watching the "fun pack song" video on youtube and gosh, it was no doubt a fail. I watched the video with my mouth opened. like what the fuck is this shizzzzzzz, Singapore? 

here, go watch it if you're doubting my words about it being that bad.

kbye!

Bulb.

i wanted to upload a little bit of today's pictures but i'm so tired now i guess i'll just go sleep.

friday afternoon, with nth to do.

we all hate goodbyes but its better to say goodbye to some.
The shoot is tmr. i'm feeling unprepared. and i don't know what to wear.
not knowing what to wear is not important but i really don't know what to wear.
k its late and i'm getting lame. bye.

alice in wonderland

went filming for VDA today at botanical garden. fingers crossed for end product.
uhm. currently crazy worried about monday's shoot. :(
on a happier note, i got my prime lens today. after my always unsuccessful save up plan.
(:

saying yes.

tired beyond words with still a billion things to do. 

gonna pull up my socks and get ready for war.