Day2

Today i attended my cousin's wedding. and all i can think of is that.. we could have.. i've pictured it in my head so many times.

tonight i just want to cry till i cant cry anymore.

why does it seem like i everywhere i go and everything i do and every little something that someone says has got something that reminds me of you. and every sad love song, so relatable. like its impossible to escape from this.

But i have to stop torturing you with my insecurities. and i have to find myself.

thought catalog

"People won’t tell you that love is about establishing a rhythm with someone. It feels like a choreographed dance. You have to take the right steps. Otherwise, you’re going to fall flat on your face.

People won’t tell you that love can feel too intense. Like it’s going to break your body in half and cause your heart to bleed out. These moments, while amazing, can leave you scared. They can leave you shaken and feeling extra cautious. Do you want to love someone so much? Is it good for you? Should you retreat?

People won’t tell you how close love exists to hate. They’re kissing cousins. They’re next door neighbors. They’re one eye roll, one undercooked dish, one mess away from each other. Keep the hate at bay and make sure it doesn’t crawl in your bed at night. It has a habit of doing that. It has a habit of not giving you a choice.

People won’t tell you love that can turn you into someone you don’t want to be. An asshole. Needy. Insecure. It takes a flashlight to your wounds and rips at them. Better cover up real good because when it’s over, everything will be out in the open. Every flaw, every mistake, every moment of anger. It’ll all be there.

People won’t tell you that love can be a bastard. It can smack you across the face. It can leave you for dead. You’ll deny that it’s hurting you. You’ll cover up the bruises because you don’t want it to ever be taken away from you.

People won’t tell you that you actually need love. Sure, you can survive without it. You can drown yourself in self-love. You can take cooking classes, distract yourself from the absence of another person’s touch, try knitting, masturbate excessively. But it won’t cure it."

today

today i had a quarter bowl of laksa and a slice of cake. and water.
and friends. and i feel like a bad person cause sometimes i get too emotional and i say things without thinking and i'm sorry fan, if you're reading this. i feel really bad about my attitude.

oh and i managed to sleep last night. and hopefully tonight. and.. i'm ready to listen.
and i hope you're well and happy and yeh. i hope you'll always remember me.

#ICDT

bit by bit, it the pain will go away.
and even if you cant find someone you love as much as you love him, its ok.
you can still be happy. you can think about good times and smile.
and you can know that you will nvr have to hate yourself for the way you behave when you're with him. you can love yourself more. right? yes.

okay gotta carry on.

pretty face, pretty voice. i dont listen to chinese songs that much now but i just came across this today and i think its pretty good.

things i need.

courage. lots and lots of courage.

Back from BKK.

great 5 days. could've been better if i had better shopping company.

WIP:

ok.. gotta job hunt now.
but before that, one beautiful song to share w you all.

if i keep myself busy, i wont feel a thing.

its just weird.

you see this person from your secondary school on facebook and you look at her photos and her status updates and like.. you never expect that person to be how he/she is now. you always thought "she is so pretty, i want to be like her." but now, you don't want to be like her that much.

and that person nobody wants to befriend in the past.. is doing a hell lot better than everyone else.
lesson learnt over the past week: everything is unpredictable. all that matters is now.

oh i've finally made a trip to salted caramel with the grumpy old man.

and went back to the delicious cafe for their yummy food.

ya. all about food. no wonder my #projectflatbelly forever fail.