Recently, my friends and i have been talking alot about marriage and future kids. About our ideal age to get married and how many kids we wanna have, whether we want a boy or a girl first and what we would do if our husband has an affair. haha. I used to always want to get married at 24 or 25 but now, idk. maybe i dont want to get married.
A friend of my age got engaged recently and in all honesty, i am happy for her. I am happy that she found someone who is able to love her for who she is and .. i'm just happy. maybe slightly envious. its not like i want to get engaged right now but i just feel like.. I'm very far from being that happy. Like..as much as i hate to admit it, i feel like i can only be a certain kind of happy now. And watching happy couples just makes me even more emotional these days cause i know its so damn difficult for everything to work out and for people to love each other so honestly. So seeing them happy just makes me wanna hug them and tell them to please please please just stay together and be always happy.
ah, today is the 15th. and... i kinda lost track of the number of days. which is good.
Monday, 15 October 2012
Saturday, 13 October 2012
writings
today i bought a cheap cd; one of the songs in there is a screamo (wth but ok cause it was cheap). had japanese lunch. stayed in the arcade for the longest time in my life. walked into a wedding exhibition show because there was nowhere to go and nothing to do. ya, it was quite awkward cause everyone was there to do their wedding stuff and we're just there to waste time. And today i felt the stress i havent been feeling in a long time. i really need to work harder. get my ass to london. Not waste time on this stupid job. wth was i thinking. so... tonight, i will send out my resume again. I can do this.
and i feel like an ahlian for posting this picture of myself but this was what i was doing before i left house today.
"Knock me down I'll keep on moving. It's the art of losing "
and i feel like an ahlian for posting this picture of myself but this was what i was doing before i left house today.
"Knock me down I'll keep on moving. It's the art of losing "
thank you pink.
where there is desire
there is gonna be a flame
where there is flame
someone's bound to get burned
but just because it burns
doesn't mean you're gonna die
you've gotta get up and try try try.
there is gonna be a flame
where there is flame
someone's bound to get burned
but just because it burns
doesn't mean you're gonna die
you've gotta get up and try try try.
13/10/2012
today just started. and i'm being an idiot. again.
haha. ohwell. just need to slap myself awake and move on move on.
its none of my business. and its nth new.
i went batam today. like.. 12/10/2012. yesterday to be exact.
and i was supposed to visit the animal shelter today; 13/10/2012 but liting isnt free. so.. :(
k mon, work and karaoke, tues, work and dinner, wed, loop and prawn mee and hopefully time to squeeze in another activity, thurs, work and dinner w row, fri, work and mass send resume.
go, go, go.
haha. ohwell. just need to slap myself awake and move on move on.
its none of my business. and its nth new.
i went batam today. like.. 12/10/2012. yesterday to be exact.
and i was supposed to visit the animal shelter today; 13/10/2012 but liting isnt free. so.. :(
k mon, work and karaoke, tues, work and dinner, wed, loop and prawn mee and hopefully time to squeeze in another activity, thurs, work and dinner w row, fri, work and mass send resume.
go, go, go.
Wednesday, 10 October 2012
today
i was supposed to go to bed cause i'm really tired and i'm having a bad flu but i want to write something here. about my day. So.. i'm really bad at making calls at my job and that is just making me dislike this job. but i'm glad vic is there so at least its not as bad. I had a sandwich for lunch, with egg and ham and one bite off a cheese sausage. lucky me; i realised upon taking the first bite. i also had a banana. thn i went swimming. today i swam 16 laps, which was good. and i felt like nemo in my orange swimsuit. thn i went to the pasar malam with vic. and bought crackers and malt candy. which are now all sitting in the kitchen, waiting for my recovery so i can gorge myself with heaty food.
today was..alright. and.. i think the sky has been really nice to me. thank you sky. oh. maybe its my fish; sky, watching over me. i'd like to think of it like that, to keep myself happy. ok good night before i die.
today was..alright. and.. i think the sky has been really nice to me. thank you sky. oh. maybe its my fish; sky, watching over me. i'd like to think of it like that, to keep myself happy. ok good night before i die.
Tuesday, 9 October 2012
good arc. bad arc.
it makes me a bad person too. but i think its time i focus more on protecting myself.
ah,
land me in a design related job please. this stupid job is so extremely boring.
and rmb that fri is for batam. and sat morn is for animal shelter and sun is for grandpa's bday dinner.
life is kinda.. peaceful right now. i hope i'm not just trying to convince myself that it is by saying that it is. cause i do alot of self convincing.
other that that.. i guess i should have some pics here. its been some time...
* inhale, exhale *
k goodnight.
Sunday, 7 October 2012
Note to self(s)
bring the hard disk to work tmr.
drink more water.
cut your hair when its long enough.
do that illustration for loop.
pack your room and throw away those old clothes.
do sit ups.
think about your future.
get out of the house now.
drink more water.
cut your hair when its long enough.
do that illustration for loop.
pack your room and throw away those old clothes.
do sit ups.
think about your future.
get out of the house now.
Saturday, 6 October 2012
The last letter.
I dont know if you will read this. In any case, this will be the last time i'm going to be writing about you. As I write this, I feel angry, upset and stupid; mostly stupid. I guess thats cause as much as i want to move on, a part of me still hope for something. I hope that you'll bring them to me, and tell me that i misunderstood. I hope that you would come and find me and convince me. I hope that I was worth the fight, and you putting your ego aside. I thought that maybe if we were meant to be, life will bring us back together again.
But oh, silly me. It was a game from the start and I dont know what I am. To give and tolerate and to keep wanting to be better and to time and again compromise my own beliefs. I thought that for a relationship to work, we need to give and take. I thought I was not good enough.
I might actually hate you right now. For being such a liar and for putting me through all these. For the past week, I was thinking about the happy times and I was missing your presence and I was crying if I wasn't tired enough to fall asleep at night. But now, I think that it was just me in a relationship I thought existed. The happy times; bullshit.
I just really want to know why. Why must it be me? Why are you like that? Who are you? Are you happy? Were you in love or were you just bored? How long do you intend to fool me? Tell me. but if its not going to be the truth then never mind.
You.. are not worth any of this. Not worth a single bit of my love but ok. I was crazy and stupid. I will learn from this. Do what makes you happy. but if you have to hurt people to be happy then you're a lousy person. You are not like that. You are not. I still wish the best for you. I just don't want to see or hear anything about you. I don't want to be reminded of you. I don't want to feel anything for you anymore.
Now, goodbye forever.
( and for the rest of you who is reading this, don't mention anything about this anymore. Don't ask if i'm ok and how I am doing. Just know that I am stronger now, or at least I am more determined than ever to be happier than before.
But oh, silly me. It was a game from the start and I dont know what I am. To give and tolerate and to keep wanting to be better and to time and again compromise my own beliefs. I thought that for a relationship to work, we need to give and take. I thought I was not good enough.
I might actually hate you right now. For being such a liar and for putting me through all these. For the past week, I was thinking about the happy times and I was missing your presence and I was crying if I wasn't tired enough to fall asleep at night. But now, I think that it was just me in a relationship I thought existed. The happy times; bullshit.
I just really want to know why. Why must it be me? Why are you like that? Who are you? Are you happy? Were you in love or were you just bored? How long do you intend to fool me? Tell me. but if its not going to be the truth then never mind.
You.. are not worth any of this. Not worth a single bit of my love but ok. I was crazy and stupid. I will learn from this. Do what makes you happy. but if you have to hurt people to be happy then you're a lousy person. You are not like that. You are not. I still wish the best for you. I just don't want to see or hear anything about you. I don't want to be reminded of you. I don't want to feel anything for you anymore.
Now, goodbye forever.
( and for the rest of you who is reading this, don't mention anything about this anymore. Don't ask if i'm ok and how I am doing. Just know that I am stronger now, or at least I am more determined than ever to be happier than before.
Wednesday, 3 October 2012
wreck
as much as i want you to be happy, can you dont fall in love w someone else too soon?
it will break me to know that i'm so replaceable. sigh, and i really really miss you.
it will break me to know that i'm so replaceable. sigh, and i really really miss you.
Tuesday, 2 October 2012
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